Songs of my heart

When I write down this title, I recollect the title of Whitman’s poem the songs of innocent. Recently, most of my time has been spent on club’s trivial things. However, what made me sad was that the lost of many important club members. With the decrement of members, I am losing my confident to lead this club beyond the past.
I suspect whether I have the talent to lead this club to reach a higher target which I established before. Sometimes, I doubt that whether I have made the right choice for this club. It seems that I have lost the intuition to be decisive. Even many things I have done before, I find they become much harder than before. One of the most important crises is that I don’t have enough support. I think that not because the people beside me are not competent, but because they do not have enough time. So I have to take the responsibility to implement the promise I made before. Although I am an optimistic people, I am still easily affected by the settings. I don’t what is luck or what is not luck. I just think everything is not going smoothly. I have to tell lies. I have to do something that I think is no longer proper to me. But I choose to stay. I choose to stay something I am fascinated with.
Recently, I feel exhausted with sleepless. I know this is a symbol of overpressure which was familiar with. But, what’s fortunate, my heart is still beating smooth. I don’t feel it’s beating too fast.
Today I start to read a book about computer virus. PE is a kind of file format renown but strange to me. I think I can try to apply for MSRA. Just for a dream, like every people in Nanjing. I can arrange a time to Richard. I suddenly recognize. Ok, my journal is here. I should go back to read something about .NET 2.0 framework. It’s important to everyone who want to learn inside Windows.